Management Secrets Part IV
Hugo Monteiro
PP - Manager
Management Secrets (Part IV)
4 Communicate in all directions
4.1 Manage up like you manage down
4.2 Turn on your feedback channel
4.3 Get to know yourself
4.4 Questions first – then listen up
4.5 Always be tactful
4.6 It’s great to collaborate
4.7 Be a culture vulture
4.8 Learn the language of body talk
4.9 Write emails with care
If ever there’s an exercise on a training course that asks for the essential management skills, I can guarantee that the word ‘communication’ will be very high on the list. Many people think communication is just another word for speaking, but listening and body language are equally important. This chapter touches upon many different aspects, including communicating with your boss, peers, staff and people from other cultures.
4.1 Manage up like you manage down
So often when we talk about management we automatically think of managing those who report to us. But what about managing upwards? After all, the boss can make your life so much sweeter. There are some real skills needed here – and you have to carefully think through your approach.
I love the website www.badbossology.com. Especially their survey which found that “48% said they would fire their boss if they could. 29% would have their boss assessed by a workplace psychologist. 23% would send their boss for management training!”. So is your boss a saint or a sinner? Either way you have to build a relationship that secures a more enjoyable working life. So let me share some helpful insights with you.
- Get to know the boss’s goals and challenges. Your boss has goals just like you. Find out and remember them. It’s easier to win more resources if they can deliver targets for your boss.
- Get to know the boss personality. How does he or she like to work? What are his or her interests, likes or dislikes?
- Set goals together. You need to make sure that you’re working on the right things. Don’t just update your boss with your achievements. Let him or her know where you’ll next be prioritizing your attention.
- Avoid surprises. No one wants to hear bad news. If you’ve got a suspicion that something’s not going as planned then let the boss know fast!
- Talk in their language. Every boss has a way of processing information. Some like headlines. Others like bottom lines. Find out and learn their language.
- Deliver on your commitments. It’s a rare boss who complains about a high achiever in their team. Deliver against your objectives and your boss’s respect for you will rocket.
- Go to your boss with solutions – not just problems. Isn’t that what you want from your staff? Show the boss that you’ve thought things through, even if you both come up with different answer.
“I love strawberries, but fish love worms. So when I go fishing I bait my hook with worms” – Dale Carnegie
"Learn the language of your boss and speak that language every time."
4.2 Turn on your feedback channel
We all have blind spots. Wherever I meet someone from college I think: “Wow, you’re looking old.” I’m stupid enough to think I still look like I did when I was at college! So getting good feedback does you a big favor. You wake up to reality. After all, you may be about to do something disastrous…
Getting high quality feedback starts with your staff. Just because they may not be telling you anything doesn’t mean you’re doing a wonderful job. So let them know you welcome feedback. But don’t give them a question that is easy to say ‘no’ to.
Asking ‘Can I improve the way I do my job? May prove too big a question for many. Make it easier for them, with questions such as these:
- “What could I do more of to help you?”
- “What one thing could I do that would really help you in your work?”
- “What could I work on that would bring the most benefit to our team?”
- “What do you most want from me?”
Once you’ve received the feedback always thank them. A gracious response means that you’ll encourage even more honesty the next time you ask. Whatever you do, do not become defensive. There’s no better way of closing down that feedback channel once and for all. And what about feedback that’s just not true? It happens. Well, it’s exactly the same response. Whatever you might think, this is their perception. And perception is their truth. Now you know what you have to change.
“Always reply to good or bad feedback with: “Thanks for the feedback”.
4.3 Get to know yourself
“No man is an island” said John Donne. And no manager is an island. You have to build relationships with people. Not only their direct reports but those drawn from other areas of the organization. There are some pretty basic rules to making sure you have a healthy, thriving network of people around you.
- Be genuinely interested in other people. Dale Carnegie said “The royal road to a man’s heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most.” And he’s right.
- Think before you speak. If someone annoys you, count to 5 and then ask them a question. Biting back at someone may feel good at first, but the damage lasts well after the event.
- Get personal. I have a family and interests away from the workplace. Get me speaking about them and I’m warming to you straight away. Learn about people’s passions outside of work.
- Be sensitive to others. Humor is a tricky thing. You might get a laugh from the group, but the person you’ve just aimed your humor at could be deeply offended.
- Never gossip. People never tell secrets to a gossiping manager. Your personal credibility is in danger if you talk behind others’ backs. If someone tries to gossip to you – move quickly on to another subject.
- Build a positive reputation. Someone once said “The world is full of radiators and drains. Radiators radiate warmth and positivity. Drains just drain it all away.” What are you?
- Keep your promises. If you’re not sure you can meet a request, say so. Under-promise and over-deliver. Too many people do it the other way around.
- Show respect. We all meet people we don’t like. But never show disrespect towards them. Be fair. You suffer their personality for an hour. They suffer their personality 24 hours a day.
One minute wonder. Who do you respect? Is this respect shared by others in your organization? Why? What behaviors do you see when you’re with them? Can you guess what their values are? Are these behaviors ones that you should demonstrate as well?
We’re right back to your values here. If you behave in a respectful, values-driven way then I would put money on your credibility and respect rising rapidly. And I’m not even a betting man.
“Showing a genuine interest in people will build you a great network of contacts.”
4.4 Questions first – then listen up
Great questioning lies at the heart of so much of what managers do. Think about it: appraisals, interviews, disciplinary reviews, one-to-ones, meetings, decision making. Then after the questioning you have to be able to listen carefully.
Differentiate between open and closed questions:
- Open questions. These give you information and get people talking. They start with who, what, why, when, where and how. If someone is able to reply with a straight ‘yes’ or ‘no’ then it’s probably closed.
- Closed questions. These include words such as can, would, did, have, will, are, etc. It’s a bigger list. As managers we need information to help us make better decisions. Therefore we should be asking open questions most of the time.
A key skill is asking questions but maintaining neutrality. We need to show that we are always open-minded. If I’m having a tough conversation then I need to convey that I haven’t already come to a decision. For example: “Riki, why did you upset that customer?” Here, I’m implying that I’ve already made up my mind it’s her fault. Better would be: “Riki, what happened between you and the customer?” This gives Riki the chance to explain her side of the events.
“Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf” – Indian proverbAnd what is it that great listeners do?
- They look like they’re listening. Most people know when you’ve switched off. And it’s insulting.
- Their responses show they’re paying attention. What they say is a natural progression from what’s been said. It develops and expands the conversation.
- They remain neutral. Don’t rush ahead with what you think the speaker might be saying. You’ll stop listening the moment you pass judgment.
- Their physical response is appropriate to the message. If the person is telling a funny anecdote they smile. If it’s bad news they look serious. Bad listeners often mix up the two!
- They don’t interrupt. They make sure that the person finishes. Just jumping in with their opinion too early isn’t going to get the conversation anywhere.
“The ability to remain neutral when questioning and listening is crucial.”
4.5 Always be tactful
Managers often have to choose their words carefully to avoid upsetting people. The ability to control a message can often defuse a difficult conversation. If you don’t learn this skill, then you can make a situation worse. First, you have to choose whether to speak at all. Then, you need to clarify the situation and take great care in responding.
What is tact? It’s choosing the right thing to say or do without offending. ‘Choosing’ is the important word here. Tactless people don’t exercise that choice. They instantly say what’s on their mind – and wish they hadn’t. Managers have to filter what they say. When you’re communicating with people, remember that how you say something can build – or – break – self-esteem. “Monika, that introduction you did was too far long.” How much better if she’d been told: “Monika, there’s so much great material in your presentation, I’d shorten your introduction to get to it.”
“Tact is the art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say” – Anonymous
When you find yourself in a difficult conversation, follow this TACT approach.
- T = Think – don’t speak! Any first rush of emotion soon subsides. Get your brain under control and show interest. Do this and you’re 75% of the way there.
- A = Ask questions. There are two reasons for this. First, questioning allows you crucial time to think. Second, you’re showing respect by encouraging the person to give their view.
- C = Clarify your understanding. Use clarification questions to check that you fully understand the other person’s point of view. “So what you’re upset about is…”
- T = Talk with care. Give yourself time and make sure that what you say is neutral. Later on you may give your opinion because you’ve thought it through. But do you need to do so now?
Finally, let’s get one thing clear. Being tactful is not about avoiding confrontation. I still want you to be direct and honest. It’s just that I want to make sure people want to listen to you. And that involves not ‘turning them off’ what it is you’re trying to say.
“Tact is about exercising choice and control over what you say and do.”
4.6 It’s great to collaborate
How wide is your network across your organization? Could it be better? If you’d like to increase your influence, then building collaboration with other managers is the answer. This takes a certain sort of thinking called 'Abundance Mentality’. It’s a trait that will mark you out as a person with a special attitude.
The phrase ‘Abundance Mentality’ was first used in Stephen Covey’s book. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It describes an attitude that there are plenty of resources and success to go round. It’s the opposite of the ‘Scarcity Mindset’. You know the type. Those who think that there isn’t much to share, so they spend their time hiding the little they believe they have.
- Collaborative managers. These managers are essentially positive. They take people at their word and look to strengthen their links – and influence – across the organization. They have good feelings of self-esteem. They feel secure in what they do and don’t fret about who gets the credit for what.
- Bonds of trust. Because collaborative managers are so positive they attract like-minded people to them and build strong bonds of trust. They make gestures to other managers. Release resources that they know another manager really needs. Do favors but ask for nothing in return. They think about the interests of both the customer and the organization for which they work.
- The enemy of collaboration. Cynicism and competitiveness are the enemies of collaboration. Competitive managers focus on their own gains. They build a ‘bunker mentality’ in their team and are cynical about good intentions of others. Because they believe ‘knowledge is power’ they keep information to themselves, even when it could potentially damage key initiatives or relationships.
So the choice is yours. But be aware: not every attempt to build collaboration will be met positively. Competitive managers will be very cynical about you. But the good people you link up with will more than make up for any disappointments along the way.
“Only when we join with others do our gifts become visible, even to ourselves” – Margaret Wheatly and Myron Kellner-Rogers, business consultants
“Collaboration with other managers will extend your reach and influence.”
4.7 Be a culture vulture
The world seems to be getting smaller; people talk of the ‘Global Village’. International companies expect managers to be ‘Global’. Many have the wonderful opportunity to mix with people from different cultures. But we have to be aware that an increased awareness of those cultures calls for real sensitivity.
Cultures are so much more than food, customs or language. Different cultures have codes that are not immediately apparent. Understanding these codes and responding intelligently to them is a challenge for even the most travel-weary manager. Learning to work with people from other cultures can be vital for a manager. Here are some tips that will help you make sense of the different cultures and codes you might encounter.
- Find out as much as you can in advance. The Internet is a wonderful place to find out about other cultures. Talk to anyone you know who has already worked with people from the other culture.
- Live with ambiguity. Not all cultures are easy to understand. You have to take your time and this can be tiring. But such patience is often well rewarded.
- Watch and learn. Note carefully how people in the other culture interact with each other. How they dress. How they talk together. You’re bound to observe clues that help refine your interactions.
- Investigate with questions. Many people enjoy talking about their culture with others. So ask questions. Take an interest. They’ll certainly notice it – and appreciate your efforts and interest.
- Slow down. It’s frustrating when we speak at our normal pace. Especially to those who do not share our language. Ask them to interrupt you if you talk too fast.
- Be careful with humor. Humor doesn’t travel well so, if in doubt, don’t use it.
- Don’t generalize. You’ll find many different personalities in your own culture. Expect the same in others. If someone is quiet it may not necessarily be a cultural thing. They’re probably just a quiet person!
- Check your assumptions. Ask people you work with about the conclusions you might be reaching about a certain culture. It’s a great ‘sense check’.
“Diversity is not about how we differ. Diversity is about embracing one another’s uniqueness” – Ola Joseph, Nigerian-born Inspirational writer
4.8 Learn the language of body talk
It’s important for managers to read body language, especially in emotional or testing situations. It’s also vital to consider how gestures are interpreted in different countries and cultures. Unfortunately there are a lot of myths about body language.
For example you might see a person folding their arms. “Interesting” – you might think – “that person is obviously being defensive.” Not necessarily so, if it’s in isolation. If you want to understand body language you must first realize that you look for clusters. A cluster is a combination of different postures and gestures.
- A typical cluster. How o you show your staff you are being attentive? Well, you tend to stay still and even lean forward. Often, your head tilts slightly to one side and you look directly at who’s talking. If there are distractions you’ll tend to ignore them. If you’re concentrating you’ll have a furrowed brow.
- Don’t over-act your own body language. Don’t start trying to change your own body language if you are already a good listener. It’s wrong to not listen because we’re concentrating on looking like we’re listening! But do look for it in people you’re talking to.
- Body language in other cultures. Gestures often mean different things in different countries. You’ll find a friendly thumbs up is a positive gesture in the USA. Do it in Bangladesh, though, and the person you’re talking to will be deeply insulted. Eye contact is important in many European countries, whereas prolonged eye contact in some Asian cultures creates a very negative effect.
As the world gets smaller, things are slowly changing. In Japan the common greeting is bowing. But you’ll find that some Japanese business people are quite comfortable with a handshake. Especially those who work internationally. Make sure that you use a body language that respects another person’s culture. Find out how to align your posture, eye contact and the distance you stand or sit to that person without causing offence.
One minute wonder. Consider someone you know who is defensive at times. What is their normal behavior like? What cluster of behaviors do you start to see when they become defensive? How many separate behaviors are there in the cluster?
“Look for clusters, not single gestures, in someone’s body language.”
4.9 Write emails with care
People seem to forget that an email says so much about them. It can convey personality and management style, and even level of respect for the recipient. So emails should be written with care. It’s a permanent reminder of the person who wrote it. Let me share with you the email etiquette I subscribe to.
- Match the style of the sender. If someone’s direct – I send them direct emails. If someone’s friendly, then notice how much warmer my emails are.
- Keep sentences short. Studies show that only 4% of readers understand a sentence of 27 words. 75% of readers understand a sentence of 18 words. 95% of readers understand a sentence of 8 words.
- Structure and layout. It’s easier to read from a sheet of paper than it is to read from a computer screen. So lay out your email clearly.
- Don’t include everyone in your replies. Do you enjoy getting emails that aren’t relevant to you? Then make sure you don’t do it to others!
- If it’s complicated then pick up the phone. Better still, go and see the other person. It’s quicker and a more effective use of your time.
- Keep the subject line relevant. Especially when you’re involved in long email exchanges. So change it to reflect any new content.
- Never write an email in anger. We know to avoid speaking when angry. It’s the same with emails. If you can, leave it overnight and then reply – calmly.
- Fill in the ‘To’ box last. As long as there is no email address in the ‘To’ box, then an accidental slip isn’t going to be disaster to you.
Research has shown that men are three times more likely to offend in an email than a woman. Apparently, men just don’t see the potential insult! Women are much more alert to the way a sentence might be interpreted.
One minute wonder. Look through your Sent items for an important email you’ve sent. Does it meet the above criteria? What does the tone of the email say to people about you? Are there any errors? Can you spot any faulty grammar?
“The tone and content of your emails convey a strong image about your level of professionalism.”
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